Pick and Choose your Sandpits in Life
Who's in your Sandpit?
A life coaching client and good friend recently recounted how she was part of a group - a niche interest group - and had always sought to include others, act with equanimity and show respect. She's one who's happy to ask others into "the sandpit" if they show interest, and try to find the things in common.
Thus, she invited someone to come along, advocated for their inclusion in the group, and generally tried to help their assimilation with others - so they didn't feel isolated or alienated. The new member had their own views, but was always respectful and certainly tried to be gracious.
You can't choose on behalf of others
You'd think that a small, niche interest group would welcome new members, and generally look for the things each member had in common, while also accepting some difference, expanding their perspectives and membership base... just another kid in the sand, who wanted to help build sandcastles...
But apparently, not building sandcastles in the right way - some of the other group members just didn't see eye to eye with this newcomer, voted with their feet, and promptly set up a new group with its own new sandpit!
We can try to encourage and persuade others to co-operate, think or behave a certain way, but only they can choose to change - we can't choose for them. If we have power, law or rights on our side, we might be able to force change on others, but it will come anger and resentment.
Be conscious, and choose for yourself!
Your sandpits could be social groups, clubs, your workplace/s, or it could be your one-to-one relationships. You'll face situations where you have to understand the rules and dynamics, and choose whether to join-in, or not...
Or whether newcomers are likely to play by your rules, or not. Your decisions may hinge on clarifying or negotiating different points of view. Sometimes you may get the impression you're not welcome, or even get sand kicked in your face...
Or you might just size-up the situation and (respectfully,) prefer to play in the sand somewhere else.
Are you clear on your own values, principles and passions? Are you choosing and playing-in your sandpits accordingly?
Be well,
David
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